I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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