I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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