Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
