There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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