So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
