what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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