I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
