You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
