Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
