I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
