i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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