I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
