someone get that fucking seahorse.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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