Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
