I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize