and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
