And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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