i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
