I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
