yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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