so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
