we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
