Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
