sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
