3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
