You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize