Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
