Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
