I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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