peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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