The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
