I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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