Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
