Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
