Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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