Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize