Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
