Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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