i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm always down for nudity.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
