So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
