I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
