brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
