She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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