If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
