no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
