apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
