Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
