I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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