So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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