my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
