I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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