Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
