It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
