I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
