yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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