I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize