Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
God, I missed his penis.
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