I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
