I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize