evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How external is "for external use only"?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
