u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
should my penis look like a turkey
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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