We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
