Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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