dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
