Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
