Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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