where am i from again
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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