Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
