think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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